When I was younger, I used to hold onto every offense, believing that if I let go, I’d somehow lose. But what I didn’t realize was that the only thing I was losing was my peace. I felt burdened by grudges, weighed down by anger, and none of it made the situation better. It wasn’t until I truly began to trust God’s command to forgive that I felt the freedom of living without resentment.
The Bible teaches us that forgiveness is not just an act of mercy toward others, it’s a gift we give ourselves. Holding onto offense and anger only steals our joy, while choosing to forgive allows us to walk in freedom. Letting go isn’t a sign of weakness, but an act of trust in God, who promises to defend us and bring about justice in His perfect timing (Romans 12:19, NLT).
But there’s so much more to this process. Let’s explore how forgiveness truly sets us free and aligns us with God’s wisdom for our lives.
Why Offense is a Choice, Not an Obligation
It’s easy to feel offended when someone says something hurtful or unkind. Our natural reaction is to defend ourselves, to feel wronged, or to harbor anger. But as hard as it may be to hear, offense is actually a choice we make. Many times, the person who offends us doesn’t even realize the weight of their words or actions, and yet we carry the hurt as if it’s our responsibility.
Proverbs 19:11 (NLT) says, “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.” This verse reminds us that we are not bound to our emotional reactions. We can choose to overlook the offenses that come our way.
By doing so, we take control of our emotions rather than allowing someone else’s actions to dictate our mood or our day. In fact, choosing not to take offense is an act of wisdom, it demonstrates emotional and spiritual maturity, because we understand that not every slight or misunderstanding requires a response.
In contrast, Proverbs 12:16 (NLT) warns us, “A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.” The Bible makes it clear that those who are easily offended fall into the trap of foolishness. Wisdom teaches us to rise above insults and slights, allowing us to stay calm and focus on what truly matters. Being quick to anger or harboring offense often reveals a lack of self-control, but wisdom calls us to a higher way of living.
I used to have a colleague who would slander and attack me both to my face and behind my back. I honestly didn’t know why, but I chose not to take offense, though there were moments when his words got under my skin. Two years later, I discovered why he had acted that way, it was all based on something untrue that someone else had told him.
So, for two years, he bore a grudge. Because I chose to let God deal with the situation, I didn’t have to hold onto the injustice or anger. It made me a much happier person at work. As a bonus, when the truth came out, he saw things differently, and we reconciled.
By not fighting back, I had won him over. If I had taken matters into my own hands, I’m certain I wouldn’t have been able to glorify God in this matter. When we choose not to take offense, we give God the glory and reflect Christ in our lives.
Anger and Grudges: Thieves of Joy
When we let offenses build up, they quickly turn into anger and grudges, and those are some of the biggest thieves of joy. Anger may feel justified in the moment, but over time, it hardens our hearts. Grudges can isolate us from others and create walls that even God struggles to tear down if we’re not willing to let Him in.
James 1:20 (NLT) states, “Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” No matter how right we may feel in our anger, it ultimately keeps us from living in the fullness of God’s grace. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer. It doesn’t work. Instead, it makes us bitter, steals our joy, and creates barriers in our relationship with God.
Consider this: Have you ever held a grudge against someone, only to realize that they went on with their life unaffected while you were the one suffering? That’s the power of a grudge, it locks us in a prison of our own making. But the good news is that we hold the key. We can choose to let go, to forgive, and to walk in the freedom that God offers.
Trusting God as Our Defender
One of the most comforting truths in Scripture is that God is our defender. We don’t have to fight every battle, correct every false word spoken about us, or seek revenge when we’ve been wronged. God sees all, and He promises to make things right in His perfect time.
Romans 12:19 (NLT) reminds us of this when it says, “Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, ‘I will take revenge; I will pay them back,’ says the Lord.” We are not meant to carry the burden of vengeance, it’s too heavy for us. But God, in His righteousness and justice, knows exactly what to do. He will take care of the situation in a way that brings about His glory and our good.
When we trust God to defend us, we release the need to hold onto offense. This doesn’t mean that we never feel hurt, but it does mean that we choose not to dwell on that hurt or allow it to take root in our hearts. It’s a daily decision to trust God’s justice over our own desire for payback.
The Power of Forgiveness for Our Own Hearts
Forgiveness isn’t just for the benefit of the person who hurt us, it’s for us. When we forgive, we are the ones set free. We release ourselves from the chains of bitterness and anger that hold us captive. It’s not an easy process, but it’s one that is vital for our spiritual health.
Colossians 3:13 (NLT) encourages us to “make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” When we choose to forgive, we reflect God’s character. Just as He has forgiven us for every wrong we’ve ever done, we are called to extend that same grace to others. And in doing so, we not only grow closer to God, but we also find peace in our own hearts.
Forgiveness can be a process. It might start with a simple prayer: “Lord, help me to forgive.” From there, we can begin to let go of the anger and hurt, trusting that God is working in both our hearts and the situation. It’s not about excusing the wrong, but about freeing ourselves from the weight of it.
Living in the Freedom of Forgiveness
When we choose forgiveness over offense, we step into the freedom that Christ offers. No longer bound by the chains of anger and grudges, we can live with a light heart, trusting that God is our defender and that He will take care of every wrong.
Choosing not to be offended doesn’t mean that we’ll never feel the sting of hurtful words or actions. But it does mean that we don’t have to let those hurts define us or rob us of our joy. We can choose to forgive, to trust God’s justice, and to live in the peace that comes from following His ways.
In the end, forgiveness is one of the greatest acts of wisdom we can practice. It aligns our hearts with God’s, frees us from the weight of offense, and allows us to walk in the fullness of His grace.
As Ephesians 4:31-32 (NLT) encourages, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” With that kind of wisdom, we can live freely and joyfully, knowing that God holds our every hurt and will take care of us in His perfect way.